What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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