last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
