Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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