i think my tv is drunk
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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