I heard we made out
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
