Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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