Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
