the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
