It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
did i walk over a car last night?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize