He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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