I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
