Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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