He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize