one two three fourrrrnication!
The best revenge is premature balding
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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