turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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