We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Couch. On fire.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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