saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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