highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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