I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize