We need to rekindle our bromance
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
