if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
