i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
