We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
