On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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