I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
