I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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