Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You ruined the universe
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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