I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i came on her dog
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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