hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
