you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
