i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
