Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize