i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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