Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
