Sorry, I don't speak sober.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
