Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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