Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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