I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
