I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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