No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
worst night to have a conscience
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
