this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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