Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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