If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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