That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize