her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
