seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
