It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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