I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
