3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
