Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
