Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
