Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
