i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize