yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize