I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
