party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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