Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just googled if crying burns calories
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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