you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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