Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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