Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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