Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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