I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
