Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
