you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
