maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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