I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
