he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
