genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
