I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
