Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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