I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Randomize
