$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
