Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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