my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
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