sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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